Grace’n’grudges: peaceful coexistence?

There I was, early in the morning, in my favorite spot for hanging out with God.  My “ministering spirits” were still curled up on a nearby recliner, snuggled into a warm blanket, oblivious to everything but the warmth of where they were…

God!  You are SO amazing!  There is NO one like You!  How can I not but agree with all creation, groaning in anticipation that Jesus will be returning soon…  I began my morning “routine” (which is anything but “routine”) with the “A” of “Adoration.  Confession.  Thanks-giving.  Supplication:  ACTS”.  Using that pattern really helps me to focus.

For a moment ~ a longish moment, though I have no idea how much time passed, since I don’t check my watch when starting (for some reason, I don’t think God appreciates our putting Him into a “cell” on a spread-sheet or in a schedule-box) ~ I simply pondered “God”:  the high-magnitude stars I had seen the night before.  The galaxies.  The length of time it takes for light to travel to the earth.  The orbits of the heavenly bodies.  The six twenty-four hour days of creation.  The “before” and the “after” of Creation Week.  The breathtaking beauty of the first Garden, Eden.  My mind spun…and…stopped.  I simply could not begin to wrap my mind around this God Who with all of His eternality, all of His infinite creativity, all of His glorious attributes… ~ I fast-forwarded through millennia ~ … imagined me!

I worshipped.  I “adored” Him.

Finally, just before opening the Book, I said, God!  Let me ‘see’ You, the invisible One!  Moses got to see You, even as he constantly persevered, struggled, blew up, and, with an audience of millions watching him, blooped things up (talk about humiliating), yet they also saw his radiant face, exuberant with joy in hearing You actually speak to him…

And then I saw it.  Not the face of God, but the face of someone else I knew — a person.  It was a fellow believer!

Wait, God, that was not what I just asked for!

Again, the believer’s face appeared, as if a few feet away in conversation.

God!  I want to see YOU!

I waited for just a few seconds, if even that long.

You ARE seeing ‘Me’, My Child.  You can’t just come running up to see Me, bringing gifts, while running past one of My own with whom you need to make things right!  Leave your gift here; I want you, My Dear One, more than any gift; I want the gift of you!

But…why that person’s face, God?

Because, My Child, you need to RUN to them — to them – whatever that looks like – and make things right!

Yes, but…

Excuses?

But weren’t they…?

YOU are to run, My Child.  Hurry!  I’m waiting for you here! 

Okay.  I admit it.  I had actually “sat” on a situation, having first “stewed” over it, then decided to do… nothing!  Nothing?  That’s right.  And that is precisely how I came to be on my knees this morning, waiting to see God, waiting to hear from God, but instead, seeing a fellow believer’s face in my mind’s eye, and hearing only this: “RUN to make it right!  I’m waiting…”

Sigh.

Did I know the passage about going to a person to make things right?  (Um, yes…  I hate to admit that, though!  Embarrassing!  But what Jesus had told His disciples rang in my mind:  Not “if you know these things” ~ and leaving it at that ~ but… “If you know these things, then you’re blessed if you do them.”)

So… I stood up, left the Book on the floor, and went instantly into the room with the telephone directory and the telephone.  I double-checked, then triple-checked the number.  Yes.  This looked right.  I dialed.  And waited.

God, if they don’t answer, what then?  Am I off the hook?

A recorded voice came on the line:  This number is no longer in service…

YESSS!!!  I had done my duty.  Or… had I?

My Child!  His voice was filled with disappointment.  Are you just doing this because you have to?  Or because you love Me, more than whatever the outcome might be?

I reached a second time for the ‘phone, re-dialing the number to verify that I had it right the first time.  Again, I heard the recorded message.

God?  What now?

Just then I recalled that I did have the person’s cell phone number, and though it seemed ineffective in the past in reaching them, I would try that number.

Here we go.  Third try.  The cell phone number.  I had written down a few short phrases.  I need to ask your forgiveness for…  Or… Remember ___?  I was wrong.  (Triple pain to say those words…)  I took a deep breath.  And prayed.  I especially prayed.

After what seemed like forever – but was really only 5 or 6 rings — the person answered.

I said my spiel… they forgave me!  And – something totally unexpected – they asked for my forgiveness!  Wow.  That was not my plan!  But it was His!  Chalk it up as a God-thing.  Just go ahead, God: blow me away!

Back to my “spot”.  Okay, done!  My voice sailed upward.  My heart was so much lighter.  (Before making that hard call I hadn’t even realized that there was a heaviness there, nor how “heavy” the weight was.)  He was listening, really listening, and He poured out His extravagant grace…  I opened the Book, and read…

Go ahead and be angry.  You do well to be angry – but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge.  And don’t stay angry.  Don’t go to bed angry.  Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life….Don’t grieve God.  Don’t break His heart…Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.”  — from Eph. 4:26-27, 30a, 32 (MSG)

If you know the grace, the forgiveness that you have received, then you know the grace you must give others, and especially the grace of forgiveness that you must give others – generously, and not measuring it out, ounce by ounce.

If you forgive from your heart – and ask for forgiveness from your heart – then you are mirroring the forgiveness that God has so lavishly poured out on you.

As Jesus said to the woman at the well (Jn. 4:10, MSG),

If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking Me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water.

It is, quite frankly, impossible for us mere mortals to fully know “the generosity of God”, yet to withhold that grace, that generosity, from others by either not asking for, or by withholding our forgiveness of another person.  Similarly, it is impossible to know “Who He is” ~ Who Jesus is – His gentle character, His heart of compassion, His outrageous kindness in having forgiven me, you, each of us ~ without from time to time our having to beg others for their forgiveness.  This requires the grace of humility – and is sooo not “fun”!  (Trust me on this!)  But once you make up your mind to go to that brother or sister, once you make up your mind that you won’t give the Devil any foothold in your life – especially the “grudge foothold” that he especially loves (aka: the step-up to bitterness) – then God will lavish His special delight on you, His beloved child!

If you’re “stuck” in a situation now, don’t walk; RUN from reading this blog, and run TO the telephone, TO that person directly, or either to write an e-mail or to drop a simple note in the mail ((least-recommended, since Jesus said to “go” to the person, indicating a “live exchange”).  Don’t let the sun set while you “stew”!

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A very special thanks to a dear sister who “spoke the truth in love” by encouraging me to follow God’s prescription:  Go to that person directly… work it out between the two of you.  (Matt. 18:15, MSG)

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A Japanese proverb says, The most bitter medicine is the most potent.  Reading these words today may be, for you, a most “bitter medicine”.  Yet in acting upon them with the right spirit – not of pride, or of anger, but in genuine humility (i.e., taking “the medicine”, and following what Jesus said to do in Matthew 18) will bring great relief.

I can nearly hear someone saying, “I did that, but… it didn’t work.”  Did you go in humility?  Were you willing to specifically name, and to admit to whatever part that you had said, or done, that was hurtful or potentially offensive?  It is easy to let myself, ourselves “off the hook” by either a) not going, or b) not going to that brother or sister in the right spirit.  But we have to follow the “recipe”!  You won’t get brownies (or whatever chocolate treat you’re making) if you leave out the chocolate!  And you won’t get God’s results if you leave out His Spirit!

Grace‘n’grudges – peaceful co-existence?  Impossible!